The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
