The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
