drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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