when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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