What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
