and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
