I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
