I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize