take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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