I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?