I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket