1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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