sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Houston, we have a blender
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?