God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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