google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
