I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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