I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
