This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My vagina is officially offended.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
