all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
