Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
