what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
