she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
