you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
