oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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