Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
