On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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