in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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