You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
