The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
someone owes me an orgasm
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
