well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Randomize
