you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
