Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
