I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
