I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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