Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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