No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
