sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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