Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
