I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
