i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
