No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
