I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
