I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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