were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
