I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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