Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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