I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
