so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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