margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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