I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
