Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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