i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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