And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
