I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize