Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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