What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
