I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
