OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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