I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
