I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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