why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
