***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
