just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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