My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize