I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
