dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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