Moan for me like Helen Keller
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
